Reflection: Free Indeed

 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.
                                                                                  - John 8:36

Hey guys, I'm reflecting on a few old things and thinking about writing some new things, so I thought I might share a reflection since I haven't written one in awhile. This one is about my piece "Free Indeed".
If you haven't read it yet or don't remember it, this might help you to know what I'm talking about:
        "Free Indeed"

I understand that Free Indeed is a little harder to follow, even for me and I'm the one who wrote it (of course through inspiration, lol).
As a whole, this poem is basically talking about my struggles as a Christian, my relationship with God, and how wishy washy we can be as people (at least I know I can be). I can get really frustrating and discouraged when I think about all the times I fail or go back on my promises or backtrack, but it is so encouraging and reassuring when we realize that God never has that problem. God never fails, He never goes back on His word or promises, and He continues to move forward with us (Thank you, Jesus!).
It took me quite I while to write this piece, which I think might be why it seems to jump and skip around and not flow as much... There are several different times, feelings, and situations reflected in one single poem thrown together in hopes that it will all make sense someday, haha. Unfortunately, that day must not be today because it still throws me off in some places because it has a somewhat rough rhythm. Obviously, I began writing it during a time I was struggling and falling back into old habits and temptations. Again, it is so refreshing to know that God is in and IS everything, and when we allow ourselves to be consumed by Him everything will fall into place according to His will. For some reason, sometimes I forget that... Or I choose to put it in the back of my mind. It's a human thing, I guess.
Something I struggle with sometimes is praying... As silly as that may sound. I know I don't pray as often as I should, and sometimes I go days without talking to God.

"And my vision is blurred as if Your word was unheard
But I heard it! I know it! It's there,
Somewhere inside I just don't know where
Because these lies inside scream and tear
Away at the progress that I've made there.
Why can't I just talk to You? After all that we've been through
As if all of a sudden You would disappear too... But that's not true
I KNOW YOU and Your word is the truth and Your word is You.
So what am I turning to? God. Is it you?"

 The dangerous thing about not keeping yourself in constant contact with God and grounded in scripture is it allows the enemy to get into your mind, and ultimately your life. If you don't fill your head with the truth, there are PLENTY of lies out there that will gladly try to take its place. We're never above temptation, even after we've moved past certain points in our lives where we may have been more vulnerable to one type of temptation or another. Despite all the progress, we can still stumble, which is why it's so critical that we make a conscious effort every day to suit up with the armor of God and keep Him forefront in our minds. I know I'm bad about turning to temporary pleasures and giving into desires of my flesh when I get overwhelmed or feel like I've messed up too many times because they're easy and convenient, but in the long run it just leads to more destruction.

Speaking of temporary pleasure, as people we have a really bad habit of justifying sins because we view them in varying degrees. I'm speaking for myself here, too. I know I've gotten myself stuck in that trap before because I trade out one bad habit for another because it seems better in the long run or easier to hide or easier for other people to understand... But that's where that "slow fade" begins (Casting Crowns reference, fosho). God sees all sin as equal. Don't let yourself justify sin in your life and open the door for the enemy to walk in and have his way with things. Don't end up so far away that you don't even remember how you got there, like I have done so many times in the past.

Towards the end of Free Indeed, I'm mainly describing two different dreams I had. During this time I had a lot of recurring nightmares, but they were progressively getting worse because of my own bad decisions and justifications in my life. I did finally have a sit down with God one night and asked Him to "please freaking help me" (an exact phrase I used when talking to my Creator, I know, eloquent). But he revealed to me that I needed to repent, turn around, and give up everything I was holding onto that were the very things tearing me apart. Of course, being human and kind of silly, I said "okay, well I'm going to go to bed, we'll deal with that tomorrow. Yeah, yeah, I want you to help me and all but I can't do that just yet. We'll fix this tomorrow." If you've seen me procrastinate in school, you should see me when it comes to doing things God asks me to do... I'm not proud of it, but I'm notorious for putting it off if it might be "uncomfortable" or "inconvenient" in my weak, narrow, human eyes.
Anyway, my dream changed again (the ground disappeared, if that helps in case you're trying to follow along with the poem).
After having a sit-down with my best friend, pastor, and his wife discussing the dreams and what I needed to change in my life and how I planned to do it, I decided to stop putting it off. I had another heart-to-heart with God, and some wonderful people praying for me and standing with me as well (I thank God for them so much).
I won't go into detail to explain the dream, especially because there were multiple variations over time, but the final defining moment is something I will never forget.
In that dark room I was in, full of fear and regret and... well evil, a bright light appeared. I mean freaking bright. And the "bad guy's" response? He screamed the most horrifying shriek of a scream I have and will ever hear in my life. And it was over.
I have not had that specific dream since, and I praise God for that because believe it or not I do enjoy sleep.
The ending was also influenced by the song "Set Me Free" by Casting Crowns and the skit/video performed to that song.

I hope this may have given some insight into Free Indeed... and wasn't just as vague and confusing as the poem itself, lol. It helped to remind me of a few good lessons learned, anyway.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14