Free Indeed

The scariest realization is that when I stumble, I don't just simply trip and continue walking;
I fall flat on my face and take my sweet time getting up and moving forward.
Everyone's moving forward.
And I'm left alone, wondering what's around the corner
Continuing to ignore and torture the cornerstone
I should be leaning and depending on.
As if You were a something, an object, I could just ignore and pretend You're not there
When I know all too well You are like my air
But I turn to You like You're just some numbered page in a journal
I can flip back and forth as if You're not eternal
And internal is where I keep Your word.

It's like it got lost somewhere in the crawlspaces, or in the shadows
And my vision is blurred as if Your word was unheard
But I heard it! I know it! It's there,
Somewhere inside I just don't know where
Because these lies inside scream and tear
Away at the progress that I've made there.
Why can't I just talk to You? After all that we've been through
As if all of a sudden You would disappear too... But that's not true
I KNOW YOU and Your word is the truth and Your word is You.
So what am I turning to? God. Is it you?
Because I'm looking around me now and from my view
This air is a completely different hue
It's a gray color and it's too thick to see through.
I'm too sick to pull through without You.

So why would I even try?
It's absolutely ridiculous to think that I could accomplish anything
Without You by my side.
No! Not just by my side, but with You as my guide
God I need to put You first in everything I do
And that includes striving to be closer to You
That includes resisting temptation and gaining back my foundation
And if I feel further away from You, I know it's not You who moved.

So how did I end up in this place?
After all that we've faced
I still fell behind and instead of moving past that old path my steps were retraced.
I don't know how I got here
That slow fade can be very unclear.
You justify little things here and there
Until you look back and realize you're off in some place you never intended to be.
I don't want that to be me.

That night I decided to fix things,
More importantly I decided to let God fix things,
To pick me up and begin healing
The mess I allowed the enemy to leave bleeding.
I hit my knees, pleading for God to come in and help me turn back around
I want help... but maybe tomorrow, just not right now
But that ground disappeared beneath me
And I knew my demons wouldn't just release me
The battle isn't between flesh and blood
It's against the forces that drag me through the mud
I'm tired of letting myself get dragged down
But I know I've just got to open my eyes and see the ground

And when that light appeared, he began screaming.
My soul is SO DONE with just dreaming
About the potential victory that will redeem me
God, please, make it a reality.
Save me from myself, because I'm my own worst enemy
Stop the nightmares, stop the dreaming
Because God I just want to let you free me.
Set me free from the chains that are holding me
Jesus, please, rescue me.