Writing Words

I wanted to write a book once. I tried. I made it to about Chapter 8. I stopped working on it a long time ago for various reasons.

• I was so busy. 
• There was so much going on. 
• It didn't interest me anymore. 
• I wanted to write other things.
• I procrastinate.
• I have a short attention span.
• I can't finish anything, anyway. 

 The most substantial reason was probably because I became a Christian. That doesn't seem to make much sense, at first.
I've always written poetry. Years ago, it was a much different kind of poetry. To be frank (as opposed to Joe or Bob, haha), it was rather depressing. After I became a Christian, I started writing poetry again and instead used them to glorify God.
I have yet to make this transition in my other writing.
It's hard.
I'm having a hard time picking up where I left off. It's not exactly a smooth transition; I don't really know how to explain it.
I think it's very possible that I overuse semicolons.
I like fruity pebbles.
Remember when people were obsessed with MySpace? Whatever happened to that, anyway. No one anticipates that something that popular that becomes a necessity in daily routine will die so dramatically. No one uses MySpace anymore. Do they?
I loved MySpace. It was so stupid. Middle school was a weird time.
Anyways! I get myself side-tracked very easily.
I wish I could work on this "book" I started. Maybe I will sometime. In all sincerity, I am extremely busy and it wouldn't work out so well if I did try right now, anyways.
Dude, college. What's up with that?

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

-Danny

Reflection: My Father's Daughter

For some reason, unknown to me (or at least, I wish I didn't understand the reason, however I believe I do) this poem is many people's favorite. After I finished it and revised it a few times, I hated it. That was probably because of how raw, serious, and real it is for so many people. It sincerely pissed me off. Then I performed it for a group of people at a Poetry Slam we did at school. I had a lot of feedback (which kind of freaked me out at the time, honestly) and I realized just how serious the topic was for so many people in so many different ways. I was asked to say it for a few other events to various groups of people, and I started to get sick of this poem. At the time, I kind of thought it was because I had said it so much, and since I had it memorized so well it ran through my head pretty often, so I thought it was way over done. However, I believe I was actually getting tired of it because it was truth. When the truth is hard or painful, as it often is, we want to doll it up with pretty language or images. You make things sound nicer than they really are, but that doesn't change anything, and it doesn't help or promote healing. I realized people liked my poem because it was real and there was no fluff. Sure, it had that happy ending, but only after exposing the painful truth of so many people's lives. Even the happy ending isn't presented in some "feel-good" way, it's straight forward and in your face. "My Father's Daughter" points out weaknesses for a lot of people, whether they're on one side of the problem or the other. It's real life, it's truth. I believe that's why people favor this poem, but more importantly, I think that's why it's caused healing in people's lives. By no means is this healing a result of anything I've done. Just like the ending of the poem explains, the healing comes as a result of a relationship with the very best Father. The only reason I have a happy ending for any of my poems is because every life can have a happy ending, and that happiness, that solution comes from God alone.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

-Danny

Reflection: John One [dash] Five (ish)

Personally, this is probably one of my favorites. Picking a favorite is really hard because all of my pieces are significant in some way and mean something to me (obviously, otherwise it wouldn't be real poetry). This one's so much fun for me though. Just saying the title, "JohnOneDashFiveIsh" is kind of fun. I'm just a nerd, I apologize.
I have a very... strange writing process when it comes to this stuff. I try my hardest to glorify God with my writing (as well as everything else I do), so prayer and spiritual inspiration are huge aspects. This piece in particular was a little different. Usually, I end up with so many little scraps of paper with random words or phrases/sentences scribbled on them that I can hardly keep up with them all. These result from random thoughts I have throughout my daily routine, usually over the span of a few weeks or so. God lays a topic or thought on my heart, and I realize that I'll write a poem about it sometime soon. Then, the topic continues to come up in discussion, on television, on the radio, in school, at church, at home, everywhere. The message becomes very insistent and reoccurring, I guess you could say. These random sparks of understanding kind of act as inspiration, and I scramble for a piece of paper to write things down. I keep them in my brown journal along with the rest of my poems or starter papers, and I just wait until it finally comes together and I sit down to make sense of it all (and do some more intense praying). I also tend to listen to music. The genre depends on the mood or feeling I want conveyed in the poem. For example, while doing these reflections, I listen to Vitamin String Quartet (look them up, they're great).
Anyways, like I said before, my routine was different while writing "John One [dash] Five (ish)". About a week prior (keeping in mind I'm horrible with timelines and dates) I had a dream. Most of the dream itself is irrelevant, but I did wake up knowing I needed to read The Gospel of John. It was kind of funny/weird, I was staying the night at a friend's house and had just fallen asleep, and I woke up suddenly and asked "Um... Hey, what's in the Gospel of John?" Needless the say, it was a special moment. Anyway, throughout the week I read through the book and such. If you haven't thumbed through this section of the bible yet, I highly recommend it.
One day, I believe I stayed home from school because I was sick (I don't really remember, I'm kind of guessing). I was sitting on my couch in the living room on my laptop, keeping myself entertained. I had a few songs stuck in my head at the same time, and if you've ever dealt with this, you probably understand how overwhelming it is to want to sing numerous lines from different songs. You can also probably guess which songs they are (hint: they're in the poem). Suddenly, while singing a line from Mighty To Save, specifically,

"So shine your light and let the whole world see, We're singing for the glory of the risen King",

I added some lines afterwards that weren't part of the song. They came out of no where and I didn't know why I said them, but they kind of flowed so I typed them into a note on my laptop, thinking maybe sometime later I'd turn it into a poem. I looked at the words, and added some more. In the course of an hour, I had an almost identical version of what is now "John One [dash] Five (ish)". I read the beginning verses of John and used the songs stuck in my head to piece together how I view my walk with Christ, my strengths, and my weaknesses as a human. My strength is Christ within me. He is the only thing about me that is flawless, the only thing I can brag about is His majesty. My weaknesses are numerous because I am human, but God never fails; He's perfect.

John 1:5 says "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it" (ESV)

Let's look at the verse in context:

1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ² He was in the beginning with God. ³All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. ⁴In him was life, and the life was the light of men. ⁵The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

⁶ There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. ⁷ He came as a witness, to bear witness about the light, that all might believe through him.

Scripture speaks for itself. God is light, in Him there is no darkness at all. Light overcame darkness. Darkness did not understand the light (overcame is translated as understood in different versions). My life, the world itself, is darkness. I still can't understand God completely, but I'm only human. I never will understand everything. However, I wasn't called to understand. I was called to share the light I've been given with others. I've been called to be a light in other people's lives.

Also something to think about:
I named this poem after John 1:5, as well as the section of scripture I included above (which explains the "ish"). Recently, while doing some studying, I noticed another 1:5 relation:

1 John 1:5-
 ⁵This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.

Just a nice correlation, I thought.

May the words of the mouth and meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

-Danny

My Father's Daughter

Maybe this poem is for all the little girls who never met their father
For the boy, who never understood those sons and daughters
Who would talk about their "daddy", and just sound so happy
And wonder why that can't be me.
Maybe this poem is for all the little kids
Who took a swift kick to the ribs for telling a fib
But never told their teacher they they had bruises
God forbid.
Or maybe this poem is for the child who misses who Dad used to be
When Mom and Dad would never disagree
And he still played with me and I can guarantee
That's how I thought it would always be.
This poem could be for any child, maybe,
Who never heard him call her "honey" or "baby"
His glances towards you now are so shady
Your idea of family is now shaking
And that hole in your heart for him is just aching.
Maybe this poem is for the kid whose Dad's at the bar
All night on the weekends and it's just so bizarre
That even when he does come home he still seems so far
And you're just waiting for the day that he totals more than a car.
Maybe this poem is for the homes filled with strife
When he comes home late at night
And nothing's all right and they just want to fight

I promise: Darkness is simply the absence of light.
Because maybe this poem is for the daughter
Who never met her father
Or for the boy that didn't know that "Son"
Wasn't a title that had to be earned or won

Maybe...                                      But no.

Actually, this poem is for all the people
Who think God is just a steeple.
This poem is for the broken
Whose stories are not spoken
Because they think the past shouldn't be reopened.
This poem is to tell you you're adopted
Even if your father opted to disappear
Because your God is here.
He will never forsake you or fail you
Or leave you or tell you, "you're nothing",
Because baby, you're something!
And even when you're bluffing and saying "It's nothing"
"Ha, it's nothing..."
He knows the pain's crushing.
He holds you, and molds you
And tells you he loves you
And he knows what you go through!
So to change your view
Of yourself and what's true
He'll simply say, "I own you"
So this poem is to tell you:
       That you are the son, or daughter,
                Of the very best Father.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

-Danny

Incoherence.

Incredulous. Incessant. Incorrigible.
The English language is Incredible.
"Find meanings and definitions of words at Dictionary.com!"
You can't find the meaning of life in a dictionary. You can't find the meaning of emotion and intellect behind a computer screen. Or, can you?
Two cans and a string is all you need to connect with another individual.
No it's not, it's much more difficult.
Pitiful, really, how often people prefer the reciprocal. 
And why does it have to be difficult, anyway?
I mean, it's biblical; Iron sharpens iron.
I've got to stop hiding my metal in the bottom drawer.
I have more than I could have ever asked for, and instead of appreciating it for what it is, I've left myself in a million broken pieces on the floor. What am I even talking about anymore?
This isn't a poem.
I have a tendency to think too critically of myself.
I also have a tendency to rhyme. I get on my own nerves.
Google this, Google that.
Just Google it. That's not even a verb, you don't "google" things. Vocabulary changes. "Text" wasn't a verb either, T9 doesn't even recognize the term "texting" (neither does my internet spell check, apparently).
You don't grasp how quickly and dramatically things are changing while it happens, but once you look back, you realize everything is completely different, and will never be the same again.
Word processor's are very convenient. You know, essays and such. But that squiggly red line amplifies my mistakes like no other. You know exactly what I'm talking about too; you misspell something, or use a name or word the system doesn't recognize, and it's all over from there. That red line screams ERROR as if there are no means to make amends for the unforgivable mistake. Even a typo isn't acceptable, even new terminology ("texting" for example) can't make it out alive.
That red line is a reflection of my mistakes in the fullest. Of course, the squiggly characteristic isn't exactly accurate. But anyways.
You're so helpful, Microsoft Word, but why do you have to dramatize my faults so boldly?
It's okay, I understand. Someone has to, especially if I've become so accustomed to shoving everything to the back of my closet, stuffing my bottom drawer. It's so ironic, that my "sharpening iron" of companionship isn't the only metal hidden behind my mask of composure.
What?
This is what happens when I allow myself to chase the blips of imagination floating around in the exhausted space of my mind.
This is also what happens when I get on the computer to do my English homework and refuse to carry through.
Congratulations, you've just experienced a small portion of my poetic writing process. This complicated endeavor would probably explain why I'm so exhausted when I'm finished with a piece. Maybe I'll turn this into something profound, someday. Something that rhymes and tells the truth more than any confession I could possibly make ever will.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

-Danny

Temptation

I saw a spider today.
I stopped dead in my tracks, and in fact,
I wondered how badly it would hurt if I asked him to play.
If I tried to make him my friend, would he tickle my arm and distract my pain?
Or, would he crawl into my life and bite me the way the world has?
As I stood there sinking into my thoughts,
I wondered how badly it would hurt if I tried to be friends.
I guess it just depends on how willing I am to focus on the pain.
Or maybe it would be more dulling,
And my black widow friend could help numb the apathy I'm trying to maintain.

It's true, I miss you, it's been so, so long
But every time you visit you bring temptation with you
And I realize it's all just so wrong.

Who am I kidding? You ARE temptation!
Just the slightest mention or reminder of you
And I instantly think back to that sensation.
What a relief it was to have you around,
Knowing if anything went wrong you would catch my break down.

...But, you were my break down.
What a great friend you are!
You hid my feelings beneath a crimson mask of shame and regret.
I could just reach out to you, followed by a cigarette and then all that's left is to try to forget.
I can't forget.
I've blamed you for so many years.

In reality, it isn't even  you.
It's my own collection of weaknesses and fears.
I'm having an allergic reaction to myself, and I need to change gears.
My salvation isn't based on me, or my ability to do anything.
It's based on grace.
It's based on my Lord's willingness to remove the weights of history and sin,
And he is more than willing.

I saw a spider today,
And I told him, "goodbye".
I went on my way and just passed him by
Without looking back, without regret.
I haven't reached the end of the road yet,
But I've narrowed my path and I've focused my view.
In all sincerity, old "friend",
I don't miss you.

-----
My minds been in a slightly darker place lately, which is probably where this came from. This poem's about a spider I came across one day while going back and forth between houses. I was so frustrated with everything going on around me, but as I was walking out the front door I looked up and noticed a huge black widow staring down at me. I stopped, and sincerely thought about what would happen if I tried to hold it or something (foolish, I know). I was very overwhelmed at the time, and I was also struggling with some old habits I had to cope with things. I was also trying to figure out how to rekindle my relationship with a once very close family member of mine who was visiting at the time, but I wasn't exactly sure I could influence her positively enough without her having a negative influence on me. When I got home that night, I wrote down a couple of lines about my odd thoughts regarding the spider. Lately I've been revisiting some old thoughts, and I gave a brief testimony to a youth group on my 18th birthday last weekend. Needless to say, I've done some backtracking, but this time it turned out constructive and instead of stumbling, I resorted to poetic reflection instead; a much better coping mechanism, in my opinion. This poem is about a spider. It's about old friends, temptation, addiction, and change. 

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

-Danny

John One [dash] Five (ish)

Side note: The ridiculous title is because that's how you say it. "John One Dash Five Ish". Also, I plan on posted an in-depth explanation of this piece sometime.
 ----------------------------------------------------
"So shine your light and, let the whole world see"
We're singing for the glory of the risen King
And I am speaking for the understanding of his Majesty
I mean I'm reading for the understanding of...
But I'm praying for the...
I am begging for
I am seeking for the understanding of Your Majesty.

But it's just incomprehensible to me
My mind is feeble and my flesh is weak
And sometimes it isn't your will and your way that I seek
So where exactly am I at in my Christianity?

Can we even call it that anymore?
It's not about religion, it's a relationship, a light
But honestly people don't care what you call it they just want to see it done right
So what is it that you're chasing after
If it's that feeling inside you get similar to that after laughter
You're in the wrong.
I'm sorry but people are emotional, and feelings are fleeting.
However, Our God, is faithful in completing
The promises he made to us from the very beginning
"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine"
Yeah I'm gonna let that light shine
SO bright, baby it'll light up the night
And maybe you don't even understand it yet
But you've just got to try
It'll change your entire life
But take His word for it, not mine.

Because I am human, and I stumble
I've just got to take a step back and be humble
Enough to realize and recognize that I need to be looking at the world through Your eyes.

"Praise the Lord, I saw the light"
And He told us: you are the light of the world
So why not put it on a lamp stand so all can see
I thought, well there's no way they can be as lost as me
It'd be like the blind leading the blind, we'll be walking into trees
PLEASE. Understand, we are simply man
We don't have all the answers, we're just following commands
The thing is, it really is about a relationship
It's about seeking his face everyday and not letting anything get in the way
Of what God has to say.
Lord means Boss, and Boss means devotion.
We're called to abandon ourselves and not be lead by emotion
Because despite what we feel in the morning, we're still His
Despite how we feel, when we're alone, late at night
And the darkness tries to creep inside
He is still the giver of sight, that unfading light, and the reason for, the leader of, my life.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

-Danny